My Personal Sexual Philosophy Michael Sokolov Like in my general philosophy, in my sexual philosophy I strive for a very high standard. Perhaps it'll serve best to start my presentation with the answer to the question that everyone asks: why am I still virgin at the age of 25. The short answer is that I seek nothing less than true love. I am not interested in mark- eting myself to women who want this or that look, and I am not interested in women who are attracted to money (nor was I interested in them during times when I had lots of it in the past). Instead I seek a partner who would share my general philo- sophical, spiritual and political beliefs. I am a Starfighter on a Mission to demolish the present political, economic and social world order, which I deem to be totally unfit for human life, and to build a new world on the foundations of Light and Love. I hold that each person has sacred inalienable rights to life, liberty, integrity of body and spirit and realisation of happi- ness. It is my determination to forcibly demolish the present oppressive regime that forces people to work for someone other than themselves and to make money, and to replace it with a com- munist system that employs advanced technologies of cybernetics and robotics to provide for everyone's basic needs and allows every person to pursue his or her spiritual growth and full self-realisation[1]. For my life partner I will not settle for anything less than a woman who is just as passionate as I am about the need for a world revolution, and who will bravely join me on my Mission to boldly go where no man or woman has ever gone before, be it to other planets or stars, to bring back change so our children can see New Dawn rise over our world. These are the strict criteria I impose before there can be any intimacy. I know I am very dif- ferent from most men, but I just cannot understand how can they have relationships, intimacy and casual sex with women without having a spiritual, ideological, philosophical and passionate bond first. They ask me "why are you virgin?" and I counter: "why would you want to have sex with someone who would ridicule _________________________ [1] The international English spelling is intention- al. May 11, 2005 - 2 - and make fun of you, who wants you to be something other than what you truly are, and who is attracted not to you but to your wallet?" To me intimacy is not something to be dispensed casually. I am a dualist philosopher and I'm highly spiritual. I believe that intimacy is very sacred and magickal[2] in nature and occurs not only on the physical, but also on the spiritual and astral planes. I would be desecrating the temple of my spirit by open- ing myself intimately to someone who is not spiritual, who has no respect for my true self, or who does not share my core beliefs that make me who I am. As the Rede of the Wiccae poem says, "With the fool no season spend Or be counted as his friend." Several times I have asked myself a question of whether I could ever have a casual sexual encounter outside of a committed relationship. (Of course that means when I'm not in one, not cheating on my girlfriend when I am!) Being a rationalist philo- sopher I had to apply the Cartesian method to the analysis of this question to arrive at a rational answer. As the first step the problem at hand needs to be made clear and distinct. I have already clarified that I am considering the case in which I am not in a relationship with anyone, and asking the question whether it would be acceptable for me to have a sexual encounter that does not involve long-term commitment simply to enjoy myself, to enrich my sexuality and to lose my virginity. I have already stated that opening myself intimately to someone who has no respect for me and with whom I have nothing in common would be foolish and would not give me any good feelings. But suppose there was a woman with whom I had mutual respect and many common beliefs, and the situation was such that for one rea- son or another we were not in a position to develop a long-term relationship, but sexual enjoyment was an option. Rationally I have to admit that if there was mutual respect and enough trust for me to open myself intimately to the woman and entrust her with my inner self, it would probably be OK to have sex. I cer- tainly do not subscribe to any religion that teaches that sex is bad in and of itself. However, that is very unlikely to happen since I do not and will not deliberately seek it. My ultimate goal on the sexual/romantic front is not to get laid, but to find my soul- mate, a woman who would be in love with my immortal Indigo spirit, who would take the Oath of a Starfighter together with me to the Interplanetary Internationale Charter and its First Prin- ciples, who would devote her life to the future of all Earth children like I have, and who would tread the path of a Star- fighter together with me. Having casual sex with someone who _________________________ [2] The spelling of "magick" is intentional and sig- nificant. Magic is stage illusion, whereas magick is the real thing. May 11, 2005 - 3 - does not meet these criteria, or even someone who is somewhat interesting but stands no chance of becoming my life comrade and partner-in-struggle, would not bring me any closer to my goal, and therefore I refuse to waste precious white spiritual energy on the pursuit of this distraction. If an opportunity for a sex- ual encounter were to just turn up one day (and there was enough mutual respect and trust for me to open myself intimately to the woman and trust her sexually), fine, but I won't actively pursue it and won't divert any of my energy away from what I see as a much greater and more rewarding goal in the long term. What is then my idea of a healthy relationship and how one should develop? I certainly do not believe that a relationship should start off with sex. Having sex is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. The risk of unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections poses a more serious problem when you choose to have sex with someone you still barely know than when you are in a long-term committed relationship and have worked out a joint responsibility for any such contingencies. And last but certainly not least, to me the issue of sanctity of the inner self and intimacy is just as important as avoidance of those risks. When you just start to date someone, how can you really know whether that person would indeed love and respect you in an intimate situation rather than ridicule you and betray whatever trust you have given her/him? To me having your inti- mate inner self disrespected and taken advantage of is just as bad as getting a sexually transmitted infection or an unwanted pregnancy. I start pursuing a relationship when I see a woman who I feel or reason may stand a possibility of being a match for me. I rely extensively on electronic communication. The place where I first run into a woman with whom I decide to attempt a rela- tionship is almost always online. In the past I have responded to postings on dating sites, initiated private contact with women who have posted interesting messages to public mailing lists or discussion boards, and made friends on IRC (Internet Relay Chat). Even if I meet an interesting woman in person there can only be subsequent contact if we exchange E-mail addresses. I am a very atypical person to say the least and what I look for in a partner is also very atypical. The most important cri- terion that any potential partner would have to meet is a belief structure compatible with mine. Since the belief set that I sub- scribe to and need to share with a partner constitutes a vanish- ingly small percentage in the larger society, this is the most aggressive screening filter at which the greatest percentage of prospective relationships stop, and since it is the greatest hur- dle that a developing relationship must overcome, I start with it first. I receive a lot of criticism for this practice, but I still believe that it is the most rational strategy. Sure, it screens most women out right off the bat. But what would be the point of May 11, 2005 - 4 - doing otherwise? If I concealed my radical beliefs from girls when dating and got a relationship going only to break up later over an irreconciliable difference in political and philosophical beliefs, how would that be any better? I choose to make my radi- cal beliefs known upfront, avoid wasting time and heartbreak on those with whom no relationship could ever be possible, and con- centrate on pursuing that elusive person who is my true worthy equal, a courageous and fearless Indigo spirit devoted to the cause and principles of The Internationale. I will not sell myself short, and I won't settle for any- thing less than true love with my true equal who would respect, admire and love me for who I am, an Indigo Starfighter. I believe that a healthy relationship must be based on each person's love of oneself and respect for the other person's choices, life path and self-image. There are some people at the night clubs that I visit on occasion, both male and female, who keep "advising" me on how I should change my hair and beard style and the kind of eyeglasses I wear, etc., to attract women. My response to them was and is that I have no interest in those women who have not learned the concept of respect. I and only I decide how I want my hair and beard to look, and I wear those eyeglasses that enable me to see the best, not ones that form someone else's idea of what looks good. I select my potential romantic partners based on their belief structure and how well it corresponds with mine, not based on looks. I do have a strong preference for Big Beautiful Women (there is no official definition, but as a general rule of thumb an American BBW is one over 200 lbs and a metric BBW is one over 100 kg), but it is actually an ideological preference as well: to me a BBW is a strong independent woman who had the power to resist the subversive media propaganda of thin women and instead listened to her inner Goddess voice, the voice of Gaia, Mother Earth, which says that a woman should be big and beautiful. I also believe in the sanctity of the human body and harshly condemn any form of mutilation. Just like I refuse to alter myself in any way to fit any externally imposed demands, I seek a woman who would never alter or mutilate her body in any way in response to media pressure. I believe that surgeons who violate women's breasts to put implants in them should be subjected to the death penalty. If I find out that a woman has breast implants, I feel sorry for her that she had such a low self- esteem, was so weak to pressures from the media and unworthy men who did not love her the way she was naturally, and did not love herself in her natural form that she put herself under the knife. I want a revolution to make a fundamental change in government that would bring those butchers to justice and fund research into human cloning, stem cells and developmental biology to create technology to grow new living breast tissue for those women to put it back in place of those implants. When I do get into a relationship, I am always very loyal to May 11, 2005 - 5 - my partner. I follow the Rede of the Wiccae which says, among many other words of wisdom: "True in love ever be Unless thy lover's false to thee." My ultimate relationship goal is mar- riage. However, since I only enter into relationships with those who share my belief in dismantling all present governments and replacing them with one free Earth, it would have to be marriage under Wiccan or some other alternative laws, not those of govern- ments whose authority we refuse to recognise[3]. In Wiccan and most other pagan traditions the wedding ceremony is handfasting. I would like to have children at some point. However, before I can impregnate a woman she must have joined the Inter- planetary Internationale, given up her citizenship and allegiance to the old government, and taken an oath to the Interplanetary Internationale Charter. She would have to be a citizen of the Universe like I am and sworn to follow our laws, rather than those of the enemy regime. She must be absolutely loyal and devoted to the revolutionary cause, to the Charter, and to the First Principles. For me to do otherwise would be to put my child in harm's way. If I impregnated a woman who lives by Amer- ican rather than galactic laws, she could keep the child to her- self and raise him or her under the old regime and subject him or her to its barbaric way of life. If it was a boy, she could even have him cimcumcised and I would be powerless to stop it. I can- not allow my own child to be sacrificed to the Dracos in this manner, and the only certain way to avoid it is to avoid inter- course with American citizens and limit myself to those who have taken an oath to the Interplanetary Internationale. That is another reason why I am uneasy about the idea of having casual sex outside of a committed long-term relationship. The only way I could have intercourse with a woman who is not my sworn long-term partner is if I knew with certainty that she was infertile or I was very sure of her using very reliable birth control. Unfortunately I do not see condoms as an acceptable solution. I am very fortunate to have my intact penile foreskin. Having it makes sex much more enjoyable not only for the man, but also for the woman. If I were to have sex with a woman, I would want to give her that wonderful experience, which many American women haven't had. But of course she would not be able to feel any difference through a rubber! But even if she decided to forego the experience of feeling my intact penis and was OK with merely feeling rubber in there, I still do not welcome the idea of putting on a condom. Everything that I have read about them, both in our class textbook and in other sex education classes, indicates to me that they are designed for mutilated men without foreskins. Condom instruc- tions direct one to completely pull back the foreskin before put- ting it on. My glans is extremely sensitive, and though I'm sure _________________________ [3] Again the international spelling is intentional. I reject American spelling. May 11, 2005 - 6 - it would have very pleasant sensations if it came in contact with naturally lubricated vaginal walls, I think the sensations it would get from rubber would be anything but pleasant. I know that women often follow the practice of "no condom, no sex" and are in fact advised to follow it. I understand their justifica- tion, but since for me sex with a condom would probably be more pain than pleasure, I opt for no sex until I have a partner who is ready for sex without barriers and for children. The question of birth control still remains even when I finally find a permanent life partner: although I do want chil- dren, if I were to have frequent sex with my wife without any birth control, we would have many more children than we want. So we would have to use some form of contraception. I am definitely opposed to those methods that are designed to hurt and/or control the woman, i.e., implants and IUDs. It is difficult to say whether hormonal birth control methods (non-implanted, i.e., pills or injections) are good or bad, but since their effect is on the woman and my philosophy places great emphasis on each person's own integrity of body and spirit and personal decision making, I would let my wife have the final say on whether or not she wants to use those methods, and whether she prefers the daily pill or a shot once in three months. Other possibilities would be barrier methods other than condoms (diaphragms or similar dev- ices might be OK), fertility awareness method or herbal contra- ceptives that our class textbook mentioned are used in other (in my opinion more enlightened) countries. I should also address the question of sexually transmitted infections and diseases. In my spiritual tradition sex involves complete merging of the two bodies and two spirits on all planes (physical, astral, ethereal and spiritual). When you choose to have sex, you agree to share absolutely everything with the other person (which is exactly why I believe this decision should not be made lightly), so of course you share diseases too. It's only fair and part of the deal. Of course for the deal to be fair both partners must be fully informed of each other's condition prior to the act. This is where the element of trust comes in: trusting your partner to fully disclose to you, trusting your partner to take good care of his or her health and be tested when there may be a possibility of a sexually transmitted infection. A good rule of thumb is that you should not have sex with someone unless you entrust that person with your life. Because if you think about it, that is precisely what you are doing when it comes to the possibility of AIDS. This basically sums up my personal sexual philosophy. I realise full well that other people may have different views and feelings, and they may even prefer to spell it "realize" (grin), and I respect their choice. If their views are incompatible with mine, I would not consider them as potential sexual partners, but it is not for me to dictate to them what they choose to do in their privacy with their own partners unless their actions cause serious measurable harm to others, to society at large or to May 11, 2005 - 7 - themselves to such an extent that official intervention is neces- sary. Eight Words the Wiccan Rede fulfill - An' it harm none, Do what ye will. May 11, 2005